I suppose as life plods on as normal I find I have very little to write about. A boring blog now I suppose but I find it kind of therapeutic to write from time to time, and it reminds me of things I have done, and photo's I have taken!
Currently my in-laws are visiting, arrived yesterday and will leave on Friday. It's always nice to see them, really! They have gone out to London tonight with B to a gig, not my sort of music so I have stayed home. I have just finished watching Aliens and will shortly be starting Alien3 (cubed) to tide me over until the X-Factor results show (I know, what am I watching....).
The latest foster cat and her kittens are doing well. Maya had 5 kittens, 2 boys and 3 girls. I decided on a Battlestar Galactica theme this time and we have Kara (aka Starbuck), Laura, Athena, Helo and Apollo. They are very cute and again I want to keep them all!! We still have Bonnie from the previous litter - she now has a home to go to but I couldn't leave her out in the pen all on her own when the others went. The pen was also needed for Maya who was in a dangerous situation at home and needed bringing into care asap so I decided to bring her into the house. It is against the CP rules of fostering, but as she was born here and had her vaccinations, flea and worm treatment I went for it. She is a lovely, lovely kitten and will be missed when she goes.
Things have been good on the MS front. Recently my mood has started to impact on me again and I find that a hugely hard thing to, well, deal with/justify - not sure how to describe it really. Most days are good days, I look forward to things in life and enjoy life. There are however times that I feel like crying, often doing so, and think that I would rather not live this life. There are several problems with this feeling. I am well aware that I am healthy and have no reason to feel how I feel - I therefore feel guilty that I feel this way. I also have huge amounts of love and support around me and get huge amounts of enjoyment out of my life - so why do I sometimes hate the thought of carrying on like this for decades to come?
However much I hate feeling like this there are still times when I wish I could curl up in a little ball in the corner and stay there as drumming up the enthusiasm to go to work, or go out after work (etc) seems too much. I always do get up and go about my business though, as I can and should. In an effort to try and establish what I am feeling and maybe why, I have booked a counselling session at the local MS Therapy Centre. I had counselling there a couple of years ago and found it helpful. Just to talk things over really......
Part of me says don't post this blog, what are people going to think - doesn't know how lucky she is probably........ I do, I just need bring that to the fore again.:0)