Thursday, 18 September 2008

Fancy Goldfish

Apparently algae eater fish suck on the tails of fancy goldfish! We therefore don't have any algae eaters in the new tank as our new goldfish are fancy. Shame really... Anyway, the tank water looks terrible. Its strange (and life really) but the tank that just got thrown back together when it was moved is clear as a bell, looks great. The tank which has been set up properly with all the right chemicals and waiting time before fish looks terrible....... Oh well, I'll change over some of the water tomorrow and see how they go.

Got my first Getting to Grips with MS session tonight. Not sure what to expect so will let you know.

Work is going well, they gave the trainee (me) a Premier customer to look after........still if I pull it off it'll look good!!

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Follow on

So following on from my last post I thought I would write a quick update.

I also wanted to thank Ann for her comments. I am a bit useless at asking for help as I like to do things myself but I am learning to!! B does do a lot around the house. I spend a lot of time watching him cook dinner and he has been cleaning out our hamster on his own recently - he is very good!!

I saw the counsellor on Wednesday. She was very nice. I wasn't sure what to say so she explained a bit about what she was there for and what she did and then I started and she basically guided me through talking about my worries and what had been going on in my mind recently. Amongst all the more trivial things I realised that leaving my job has had a big impact. The biggest problem being the thoughts of what might have been. This relapse has, I think, been the penny dropping time as well. I was waiting for the penny to drop when I was diagnosed and it didn't. I think it has, to an extent, now. We ended with me saying that I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself as I wasn't bad with MS, I have a great fiance, family, friends and house and a reasonable job. She said it was ok to feel sorry for myself. Still not convinced but then that's me, that will always be me. I am however feeling much better in myself.

As for the wedding. The invites have arrived. Mum and Dad have some of the Save the date cards to send and I will be gathering all the oustanding addresses and handing all of them and the day and evening invitations over to Mum and Dad for them to organise. I have delegated the label organising and printing to B as well!! I could get used to this!! For those wondering it is May 2009 so we have plenty of time to go yet!!!

Just as an aside I was having problems with algae in my fish tank. Have been since we moved so I thought well, lets get a new tank (£30) and a couple of algae eater fish and see how we get on. Well I got the new algae eater fish and put them in the old tank and then set the new tank up so it could mature a bit. Well I was staring at the old tank on Wednesday (5 days later) and realised I could see through it! The algae had more or less gone. Now a week later the tank is pristiene!! I would recommend them to anyone having an algae problem in a cold water tank. I got 2 algae eater fish and they are about an 3 cm long each. Amazing!!!! Its absolutely amazing. So we are planning some new fish for the new tank as we don't need to bin the old one!

I am also a happy bunny as my relapse appears to be settling (not quite go as far as to say getting better but..) already and it has only been 3 weeks since it started. I just hope it doesn't start roving round my body like they have in the past.


Sunday, 7 September 2008


I need help. In so many ways, at the moment, I need help. It's an interesting concept especially when I count myself as very resilient, mildly effected by MS and very lucky in so many ways. But at the moment it sometimes feels all too much.

I noticed the week before last that I was getting very tearful very easily but put that down to the fact that as normal my mood had dropped with the onset of a relapse. As the week went on I realised it was worse than it was than last time and that I was worrying about how much I was moaning about it all to B, making me more tearful. I contacted my MS Nurse about the relapse and the tearfulness and she provided me with the number of a counselor from the local MS therapy centre. I am hoping that all I need is someone to talk to as I am feeling fine some of the time and am seeing her next week for a chat.

I am finding it hard to get things done at the moment so am worrying about things not being done (viscious circle....). I needed to get fliers out for an event I have been helping to organise and that was worrying me, I needed to get save the date cards printed and sent out for the wedding and there is always so much that needs doing around the house....... So I decided to take stock and following a conversation with my parents I have ordered all the wedding invitations including the save the date cards. I did the fliers in stages and B and I have decided not to buy anything else that needs actioning for the house so I don't feel bad about it not being done.

I was really not enjoying my job which was not helping - that has improved grately over the last week as I have my own work to do now so fingers crossed that won't be a big problem for the time being.

So, although I am not as good as I'd like to be I am taking steps in the right direction. The hardest part of all this was realising that actually what I was feeling wasn't right and that I could do with some help to help me get some perspective on things and to make sure I don't get myself into a proper pickle without realising it. I never thought I would need help. I am strong, I bounce back - and I will again - just with a little help (nearly broke into a Beatles song then.....!!!!) :o)