Stupid decisions......

Life seems to be a bit much at the moment. After all the positivity when I got over the last relapse it all seems to have gone pear shaped. It doesn't help that I was stupid at work last night as well.

After two weeks off and a lovely weekend away (which I will elaborate on) I went back to work for three day shifts, 0830/1800. On the 3rd shift I developed a headache which eventually turned into a migraine. I have never experienced anything like it. B had to come and pick me up from work, I have always been able to drive myself home with a migraine. I burst into tears in the crew room, S had to ring control and let them know I was going sick (thirty mins before the end of my shift...) and D had to ring B for me as I was crying too much.....

Once I got home I went to bed, felt like I was dying (I know overly dramatic but I wanted to rip my head off) and eventually felt able to take tablets and then felt a bit better by 11pm.

Unfortunately the migraine tipped me over the edge at work, cried there, cried on the way home, cried with B on the sofa, cried with B in bed. I then asked him to leave me to it as I needed to sleep. I am now wondering if I should be doing my job, if I can do my job, do I want to be doing my job...... I know its all because I'm not coping well at the moment, as I am sure I have said before I hope I will feel differently sometime soon.......I really do........ I felt sooo much better after two weeks off and going back to work has undone most of that.

I just hope I have a better shift at work tonight as that will help my confidence there and make me feel happier. I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment.......

I'll write about my weekend away, it might cheer me up....... We went to Shrewsbury, a Mercure Hotel, for two nights, just us, for a dirty weekend! We left before lunch on Friday and took a leisurely drive up the country. We stopped in Shrewsbury for 'supplies' and a coffee and then went on the hotel. The grounds were gorgeous and the hotel looked like a country manor. The room was really nice as well, the bed wasn't as big as the one in Bristol but big enough! We ate in the hotel both nights, lovely food!! We went out Saturday for a few hours to Hawkstone Park and Follies - lots of walking up and down hills and steps, which I managed without a problem - very pleased with myself!!

On the Saturday we had been together 9 months, for 5 of those we have been joined by MS and I have been having problems for 7 months - where did I find him hey?!? Anyway, both evenings before and after dinner it was just us, together, chatting, cuddling, being naughty. It was lovely, just what I, we I think, needed.

Oh, brain not functioning, have no idea what to do with myself.......................