Friday, 28 March 2008

Sex (Mum, you don't want to read this one...)

Sex is a topic that always seems to be talked about anonymously on the MS Society message boards and seems to be something people can be worried about talking about or ashamed. I understand why in most cases but I thought I'd share my experience seeing as it is a fairly common problem for people at some stage or other of their MS.

Originally my problems were isolated to the left side of my torso and my lower legs. Then one morning I woke up and the numb feeling was all the way up to my bum and I was having to check with my hands that I was sat on the loo seat properly, I also felt like I had a permenant 'wedgy' which was really, really annoying!

I realised, having been to the loo that although I could feel the area around my genitals it was not a normal feeling - interesting I thought - but possibly not good. I went to the Dr shortly after this and was referred to a neuro - lucky me, no faffing, no 'its stress' just, go see a neuro.

I'm not sure when my other half and I next had sex but I am a big fan of getting my pleasure in - and I am not that easy to please! Anyway, he had to stop (sore tongue..!) and I couldn't orgasm. I was mortified, couldn't even do it myself. After that I was constantly worrying, did he mind that I couldn't orgasm? Did he mind that I wasn't really interested because I couldn't feel much anyway? I was constantly apologising. He as ever was constantly reminding me that it didn't matter and it would get better or we'd find ways around it. Then I remembered my Rabbit. Now I know some people don't like the Rampant Rabbit idea (trademark Ann Summers....) but when you are a bit numb down there it really works, well for me anyway! Where others failed the rabbit succeeded!

In terms of me not wanting to have sex as much we kind of muddled along, I had gone from dragging him to bed almost nightly for nookie to maybe being up for it once at the weekend. After I was diagnosed we went about two weeks without sex. When I finally pulled myself back together and seduced him into bed we found out that things had obviously affected him as well.

I decided that the afternoons were the best time for me, usually when I got home from work, so I started waiting for him in our bedroom when he got home from work. I'd send him a naughty text when I knew he would be leaving so he'd make sure he came straight home. Still do that now as well! Afternoons during the week and the weekend come to think of it are a great time for us, we're both awake because we've been at work and we get a couple of hours to ourselves, great! I also try and jump on him at the weekends when I am feeling well. It has all been about making the most of feeling well and making time for sex.

Before we would mainly have sex at bedtime, now its anytime we are up for it (within reason obviously!) but still not as often - I think I value the times more often now.

After a couple of months the feeling came back, it has gone briefly since and I don't think it is completely back to normal but we still have a lot of fun and I have a much better appreciation for sex toys!!

General MS stuff - still relapse free, its about a month since I made the declaration and long may it continue!

Anyway, I can't believe I am posting this but if it is of any help to anyone then its worth it, and I really hope my mother hasn't got to this point!


Anne said...

LOL about your Mother.

Some other FYI I've learned about sex,MSers, numbness, etc.

Due to fertility drugs (and surgeries for endometriosis), I've been pregnant 9 times, and I have two live children. I've been told that MS normally goes into remission during pregnancy, and I find it is true.

But what is not talked about much is that during pregnancy, sex is very heightened - that is, numb spots are pretty much gone and sex FEELS better than ever.

After each birth/miscarriage, to thwart off a relapse (which Docs say MAY happen within 3 months after), an IV SoluMedrol was given and I was saved from relapses.

Just some info to keep in mind for later. :-)

Oh, and as a long time MSer, sex toys are a must!

Thanks for being so open and sharing.

Vivian said...

Thank you for posting this. I wish more people would talk openly about this part of MS. I totally understand why they do not, but it is something that is so important.