Christmas

Months of prep and now Christmas is more or less over and done with..... We've had a lovely couple of days, 1 spent as a couple and 1 spent with my family. I have, of course, eaten too much and I am now trying to reduce my intake back - did well yesterday and didn't eat any nibbles, didn't eat too much at dinner and then had too much tea - best intentions and all that...... I do now need to get a grip so I don't put too much weight back on!!

Love to all, hope you all had a great Christmas! x

Weight update

I weighed in on the 8th December and today.

After my week eating SS+ meals and a chicken Shaslik I lost another 2lb, which I was happy enough with and this week I have lost another 5lb! That is 2 stone, 1.5 pounds since I started!!

MS wise my right lower leg continues to be problematic and with the cold weather gets worse. The numbness remains unproblematic however, just annoying!

Humph......again..........

I have spent the last 3 days with either a migraine or a headache - I am most miffed...... Why always at a weekend, sooo annoying. So after my plans to just have a couple of days SS+ I have in fact had a SS+ day every day since Wed. I felt so grotty yesterday I just had a tin of tuna as I had no salad and today I wanted to take nurofen plus and decided to eat a small tin of tuna so the tablets weren't on an empty stomach.

I would normally weigh in tonight but just want to veg and preferably go to bed as soon as possible so will go tomorrow after work. I don't have high hopes though, if anything my weight seems to have gone up since Saturday...... I have still lost mind you, just not much.

I was thinking to myself whilst lying in bed feeling sorry for myself; there is so much snack food in the house. Nibbles for Christmas, left over crisps, Christmas tree chocolates, other chocolates, basically a whole raft of things I would like to be eating. But apart from a fleeting glance and thought, I haven't really considered actually eating any of them - a big big step forward for me! If I was on any other diet half of the Christmas supplies would have gone by now!!!

Oh, I put the Christmas decorations up on Saturday. So far one branch has been removed from the back of the tree and some tinsel attacked, but other than that it is all in one piece!! Result!

Humph.......

I am feeling a tad sorry for myself. I seem to have some numb bits which means, probably, another relapse. Thought I'd had my quota for this year..... Everything which is involved was involved last time so it appears to be an exacerbation of my previous relapse - pretty sure I don't have a UTI and did have a little cold coming but nothing arrived. Pish really.......

So normally with a relapse and being pissed off I would start to eat crap. Any thoughts with regard to trying to eat healthily would go out of the window..... Well this time I am sticking with it! I have treated myself to 100g Quorn and some green lettuce for 2 nights in a row which has made me feel naughty, but also a bit happier (ok, just realised this is what I normally do, I am just doing it with healthier stuff....still, baby steps) and am not feeling the need to eat the crisps in the cupboard or the treats at work.

Hopefully I will still lose some weight this week - I have followed the SS+ guidelines so should be ok!

Another

5lb 4oz gone!! Yes, it is that specific.... I would be happy with whole pounds, but hey, my CDC does all the maths for me!

I lost

another half pound. I guess eating out Sat (Red Rose), Mon (Il Gusto), Thurs (Bel), Fri (B @ home) and Sat (Red Rose) is not conducive to weight loss....!!

I have to say that yet again I felt in control and stuck to meat and veg. I did digress and had one poppadaum on Friday and about a quarter of a Keema Naan on Saturday so kicked myself out of Ketosis - still I seem to have got back in ok. Oh, did I mention the bottle of wine on Saturday and at least half a bottle of wine Friday...... I am disappointed in myself but at the same time I have a long haul ahead of me and need to learn to control myself when out - apart from the drinking at home I am doing ok!

New Car

How cool!!

Relaxing

In front of the TV, in a warm, snuggley jumper, just me and B (oh and the cats)!

This week we have been visited by B's parents. They always visit him (now us) in November for a week and do some decorating. I say some, for the last 2 years they have done a superb job on 2 large rooms! I did my first glossing - not as difficult as it is made out to be....

Unusually I have struggled my way through this week. I have been well for ages now but this week I have had a migraine and regular headaches, some of which were threatening to be migraines...... I don't know what provoked it all but it has been a hard work week.... I am guessing a combination of car collection, decorating, paint fumes and also that it is just never the same when you have guests.

Weight - I lost another 2 1/2 pounds last week so have now lost around 17lb! This week, with B's parents here I have eaten out a few times, but have been very sensible so I am hoping to have stayed the same........here's hoping!

Weigh In #3

Another 6lb off! I have now lost just under 15lb in 3 weeks, great!!

So, who else is cold?? My car advised me that it was 2C this morning - COLD - brrrrr....!

Cambridge Diet

Ok, I know I have written about a few different weight loss attempts during my time blogging, so it will probably come as no surprise that I have embarked on another one. I am now on the Cambridge Diet which is a very low calorie diet and involves shakes and soups instead of normal meals. Now I know it seems a little extreme but I have to do something, my weight is continuing to increase and I have a very bad relationship with food which means I seem unable to muster enough will power to eat a healthy, low calorie diet for long enough to reduce my weight....... Stupid I know.......

Anyway, I am just at the end of my second week, I have done really well at sticking to it and I am really really impressed at how easy it has been! I have actually eaten some food this weekend. I was my Aunt's 60th birthday in September and the family got together this weekend to celebrate. We went to The Stone House Hotel in North Yorkshire and were booked in for dinner, bed and breakfast (months ago) so I decided to eat but plan and not over indulge. I was very proud of my restraint and only ate protein and veg, drank one glass of red wine and lots of water. I drew a line and stuck to it - so very proud of myself.

The Stone House was great - the food was excellent, rooms lovely and service great!

If anyone is reading they may have noticed my 'ticker' at the bottom of the page - it will show my weight loss - there will be losses!!

How and when........

........ did it get to mid October 2009.......??

I know this is a silly question, the year is going by day by day as it usually does but it seems to be going really really fast!

B and I went to another beer festival yesterday, well the Hampshire Octoberfest which was a good day out. There was entertainment, entry to the Milestones Museum and a beer and food tent. There was plenty of beer as apart from a VIP evening on the Friday, Saturday was the first day. There was a Garlic shop, fresh produce, sweets and hot food - hog roast, burgers and a specialist vegetarian provider. I am a beer monster.......and it is all B's fault.

We left around 16:30 as it was getting very busy and went back to Reading to the Corn Stores. We then had dinner at The Gulshan - a very good Indian restaurant, which is unfortunately in the area to be redeveloped opposite Reading Station.

I had my yearly flu jab yesterday. Must remember that it aches and to have it on the left side in future!

MS wise I think I would classify this latest relapse as over. My left hand is a little worse than previously but not to any great extent. I am now sleeping without Amitriptyline for the first time since November 08 and in the same bed as B - through the snoring!! I am really chuffed as if you look at my relapse history they go on and on, they don't resolve in a 6-8 week time scale and are normally a little worse in terms of the number of affected areas! Here's hoping they continue to get fewer and minimal in impact!

Oh, I may have mentioned being on Propanolol as migraine prophylaxis. As with everything else I have tried I didn't think it would work, however I have now had a few stretches, 3 and 4 weeks when I haven't had any migraines! Compared to 1-2 migraines a week that is brilliant! I had a 2 migraines a couple of weeks ago but the first was self inflicted and the 2nd was after a long journey in and out of London and I guess I was tired.

All in all, things seem to be going well!

Relapse update

It's been a while since I posted and I haven't really got much to add today. I thought I had better log in and say hi though!

I am doing well. My left arm numbness seems to have hit a plateau and now seems to be getting better gradually. I don't really notice the improvement on a day to day basis but when I think back to a few weeks ago it seems better.

In terms of my tiredness, well I am tired, not fatigued, just tired but I am no worse than I would expect given that I have had a few late nights over the last few weeks. I have also been hung over the last 2 Sundays - not really sure how that happened, well I know how that happened, but I haven't been hung over 2 weekends in a row for a LONG time!

B and I went out to dinner last weekend, a Greek / Italian Restaurant called Il Gusto and is near the station in Reading. The Restaurant is above a small (ish) pub, The Corn Stores and both are run by the same people. The pub is a Fuller's pub so keeps B, and on occasion me, happy for the evening! The strange thing about the Corn Stores is that it is generally fairly quiet, even on a Saturday evening.

So, anything coming up..... No in a word, boring at the moment!

Oh, forgot, I heard about Rebif's new delivery system yesterday - RebiSmart. It looks interesting, we will see!

Normal service resumed

I can feel when I pee and poo!! It only took a week which is great! Obviously the feeling is not back to normal, that would be too much to ask, but I am very grateful to be able to feel my ablutions again!

My left arm has taken up the torch but it's not too bad. I can still type, drive and lift a pint with my left hand and arm so it's just a change in sensation at the moment, and has been so for a couple of days.

I still don't have a yeay or nay on whether I have a UTI. My sample was sent to the hospital and I was promised a call on Monday, I will call them tomorrow....... I am still going for no UTI as I would hope I would know........met enough people with one.

I haven't contacted my MSN yet either, on the basis that I haven't got the UTI result and she will ask if I have one. I will still let her know, just for her file, I am hoping this will go away all on its tod and in double quick time!

Arse.....

My arse and various other bits below the waist are now numb. I am therefore not bucking the trent for August relapses, therefore, ****ARSE**** I have been touching wood and everything, not fair.....

I am a little annoyed to say the least. The numbness itself actually isn't that bad, it is worse around the top of my thighs, my bumb and genitals which means that although I am a little more unsteady than before when I stand up and if I change direction / don't pay attention to where I am going, I am ok when wondering around at work.

**ALERT - Don't read on if you would rather not read about peeing and pooing...**

My problem is really when going to the toilet. I know when I need to pee, and I am able to pee, I just can't feel it, I know when I have started and finished as the noise stops! I can't remember when I last felt like I needed a poo though. I have been but can't feel much when I push to poo and can't feel it coming out, which also means I can't tell if it is all gone.....sorry, not want you want to be reading about, but I did warn you!

I am also finding that there is a little leakage of both, nothing I can't cope with, but all the same, I'd rather not have leakage...!

On the basis of these slight hurdles I have decided taking a tablet which makes my poo softer and fatty is a bad plan so I have stopped the Alli. I do plan to keep up with the healthy eating though. I have been a bit naughty the last few days as I am feeling a bit sorry for myself, but will snap myself out of it soon - I haven't got much to complain about!

On a different tack, some friends of ours recently had their first baby - a girl. Now I may have mentioned I am not a fan of children, friends, family, ones I don't know..... it seems at the moment there is going to be no way of avoiding them! A few of B's friends are still waiting to pop, a few of mine are also waiting to pop, ex colleagues as well. Now I am really pleased for all of them, and very pleased that so far no one has had any problems, but really, was there something in the water 9 months ago!!??!

Rain, rain, rain....

Well, it seems to be raining, this is nothing new however, it seems to have been raining most days for some time now, so much for the summer time! Still we had a couple of weeks of sunshine......

I have to say I have very little to report. Weight, well I haven't lost any recently but I survived 4 curries and a chinese with no weight gain so I think my general day to day eating is going well. I have also had no extra side effects from the Alli, so as far as I am concerned things are going well. Just need to get my head down now and get some more off.

I have been on Propanolol for a couple of weeks now. I had a migraine last weekend but only the one. I started taking the higher dose this morning. I am guessing I will get a reoccurence of the symptoms I had at the beginning - exercise intolerance and a lowered heart rate (well the one causes the other). I had to go to the GP to have a check up before going on to the higher dose and she was really nice. However, as seems to be the way with me and GPs she is leaving at the end of August. Never see a GP more than once before they leave - usually locums though.

Oh, we bought a Nintendo Wii today! Got a Wii fit as well so I should hopefully be doing more exercise..!!

Another oh, we bought our corner cabinet and a new dining room table last week. We need a new cabinet for the living room and we bought a display cabinet for our new glasses - thanks to everyone for our wedding present vouchers!

Obsolutely nothing on the MS front - just the way I like it. I am getting a little nervous now, mid August in 2008 and 2007 but I am hoping to buck the trend again this year! Touching wood on a regular basis however.....!

Sunday morning

It's 08:35 on a Sunday morning and I am up watching Gladiators! I did go to bed before 10pm last night as I was very tired and had another migraine. After doing really well for the last 10 days or so I have had a migraine, Thursday, Friday (this one came back later as well) and Saturday. I will now go through my food diary and see if anything has changed......

I picked up Propanolol to try as a prophylactic for the migraines yesterday so figers crossed that will work. I have dropped my dose of Amitriptyline down by half, mainly through necessity due to forgetting to ring for the repeat prescription, but also as I don't think I need it as an anti-depressant any more, I have been sleeping on the lower dose and am not getting problems with pain in my legs or a slightly dodgy bladder. I am seeing a GP in 2 weeks to discuss how I get on with the Propanolol so will discuss the Amitriptyline as well. Apart from anything else having several medications gets expensive (must remember to get a prepayment card)!

I have now been taking Alli for 11 days. I think I have lost around 8 pounds in that time. I have missed a few tablets, 2 last weekend as I didn't get up to eat breakfast and my Mum and Dad visited Friday evening for dinner and I didn't take one then - I don't think it was horrendous, I just didn't want to have to count everything. I have been experiencing 'leakage' as I call it, which is lovely..... It isn't unmanageable and I think is mainly down to the home made cake I have been eating small pieces of throughout the week. The cake has all gone now so back to proper snacks with low fat amounts from now on.

We actually had an indian last night and I was brave and took a tablet. I had chicken shaslik, half a bread and a poppadaum. Hopefully not too bad!

Throughout this week B and I have been designing a new website for the Thames Valley branch of Lifesavers. It is still a work in progress but we are getting there! Something we can do together, I did volunteer B for the job of getting the site up and running and so far it's gone from an expired domain name (which remains expired) to an up and running website. It turns out web design is fun!

Alli

On wednesday I started taking 'Alli'. It's orlistat, with a brand name, and is to help with weight loss. It works by binding to 25% of the fat in a meal preventing it from being absorbed - well that is my understanding anyway.

I had cut down the 10 days before (as recommended) but also managed to finish most of the higher fat items in the house over the evenings. With me it's all about it not being there to eat in the first place!

I can see how this helps people though. The packaging advises side effects such as wind, oily residue, diarrhoea and oily soft stools, therefore, as long as you keep taking the tablets self preservation sets in and you try to avoid overdoing the fat content at all costs! The starter pack gives you the calorie and fat target to stick to based on your weight and as I am VERY overweight I have a target of <19g fat per meal and 1800 calories over the day. So far I have eaten fewer calories each day but have been about on target for the fat at lunch and dinner.

You have to have a BMI of over 28 and it is a pharmacy only drug - you have to fill in a form - you can buy it online though! You have to fill in a form and your order has to be approved but that makes it even easier!

Anyway, I guess I will now be including a weight loss update on here. I know I need to loose weight, should my MS become problematic in terms of mobility in the future weighing what I do now will not help. Also, forgetting MS, my BP defies my weight at the moment but it won't forever. I am at a much greater risk of develping heart disease and diabetes in the future. I hear you say, anything could happen in the future, yes it could, but I don't want to be making anything that does happen worse!

On a different tack - I hope everyone is feeling some relief now the weather has cooled down a bit. My legs feel like my legs again and it is no longer a struggle to stay awake and use my brain in the evenings. Last weekend was interesting, the week was ok, an air conditioned building, but the weekend. B and I went out to do some shopping and by the time we were on the way home my brain seemed to have stopped functioning!! Still, shouldn't complain, it's nice to see the sun from time to time!

Moan when it's hot, moan when it's cold - can't please me...!!

Well it has been a while. After getting married and going to Cardiff for a couple of nights it was all back to normal and back to work. Fortunatelt only for a couple of days before the weeked but then it was a month until we got to go on Honeymoon.... Still it went quickly!

We went to Turkey in the end. We chose a hotel in Belek and had a swim up suite. The pool which was outside our patio doors was a smaller pool and away from the main hotel so it was really nice, relaxing and quiet! We spent most of our time in and around the hotel with 4 excursions to see the sights. I really don't know what we did for 2 weeks really...!!!

The temperature in Turkey was between 30 and 39 degrees, sometimes it was 30 at 8pm. Fortunately it was a drier heat than here and we were able to go into air conditioned buildings and get into the pool to cool off. Now we are back in the UK it is too hot at 30 degrees! The heat here just has more of a humid feel to it. I also survived 2 weeks in Turkey with very little in the way of extra tingling but I now have a more definate change in sensation to my right leg and to some extent the left and it almost feels swollen, it isn't but it is just that tight sensation. Still could be worse!

I had my yearly appt with my neuro before we went away. Nothing new really, although I apparently better than I was last year - which I think is right as I had just had a relapse last time I went - ON. I got the impression my reflexes in my knees were a bit dodgy - only because they felt weird and were a bit brisk - not that I actually know!

Work is the same, very busy this week, but then I have just had 2 weeks off and 3 of the team are on leave.

I am now going to take this hot laptop off my lap and watch Murrey (hopefully) beat Roddick!

2 years....

It's 2 years since my RRMS diagnosis, so much has happened since then. B and I have gone from strength to strength, through relapses, depression, job changes, a house move, burglary and other bits and pieces which have come our way.

We both started off in different job, B changed early on and I changed a year ago, my last day with the ambulance service was exactly a year ago - doesn't seem anywhere near that long, time has flown by! We have been in our new house over a year and in January 2008 we got engaged. We seem to have lurched from one life event to another - the vast majority of these events have either been positive, or have had positive outcomes - so a great coule of years all in all!!!

I am of course ignoring the MS. It wasn't easy between September and November last year, emotionally, but physically I have had a good year. I have a friend who was diagnosed around the same time as me and there is another person who's blog I read who have been inspiring to me and also make me think how lucky I am. They are both so positive and have had to deal with so many problems over the recent months - I am going to do my best to be like them!

Anyway, my point, 2 years down the line, I am married to a wonderful man, I have moved into a lovely house and I have a job which, isn't the old job, but I am making my own and I am enjoying, through all of which I have managed to remain in one piece, give or take the odd blip! All good!!

Now a Mrs!!!

It finally came around, 16th May 2009 and I am now a married woman!! We had a lovely weekend, we came out of the ceremony and the sun had come out - the only time it did over the weekend I think!

The whole day went really smoothly and everybody seemed to enjoy themselves. I made it to 23:30, only 30 minutes before the end of the disco. I had hoped I would stay up late but I had had enough by then and decided to call it a day, and B came with me.

I have popped a photo on, but as yet don't have any of my own - borrowed this one from a friend of mine.

We have just been away for a few days to a nice hotel but because of Swine Flu we were unable to go on our actual honeymoon as planned. They cancelled our flight on Tues last week so we have reorganised for the future. It is costing us a little less so we treated ourselves to a 5* Spa Hotel for the last couple of days - was a nice relaxing break!

Hopefully I will be able to provide a link for further photos in the future.

Honeymoon......

Guess where we have booked...... Well we have a while to go before we actually go so we are keeping our fingers crossed it all gets sorted out beforehand.

It couldn't all go smoothly could it!?!

Hen Party

I had my Hen do this weekend. Was really great. My bridesmaid, T, did a great job organising it and we all had a great time. I attempted to drink a sensible amount in order to feel fine this morning but I obviously was not careful enough and felt terrible this morning after being woken up with a horrible headache. I took a triptan over my small breakfast and that got rid of the headache but my tummy still feels terrible and I am having hot flushes.......

We had a lovely day at St Anne's Manor, I had a facial and then sat in a jaccuzi for longer than I should have! Everyone else had a treatment and spent time relaxing. We then had dinner booked for 8pm - 3 course buffet. I was wearing a mini tiara and viel and flashing sash saying 'bride to be'! I was just what I wanted as a hen do, family and friends around me, relaxing, great!

I picked up B's Mum from the station Friday evening and we had a nice dinner and evening chatting. I took her back this afternoon and I was pleased at how well we managed!

Oh, almost forgot, when I got back from work Friday the doorbell rang and it was one of my neighbours asking if he could come in and rod the drains as they were backing up - nice. I of course let them get on with it and apparently they managed to do a reasonable job of getting it flowing again.

I happened to mention the cards we had been receiving for W and S, the husband and son in the family we bought the house from and that I thought something had happened to L, the wife, as nothing had her name on it. Apparently she had cancer when she was younger which was cleared, however she was diagnosed as having lung cancer which then moved to her brain, she died within 9 months, 10 months or so after they moved. She was 41, mother and wife, so very sad.

I am now sat on the sofa debating bed...... Very tired and feeling icky......

Not long to go......!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As the title suggests we are now rushing very quickly towards our wedding date and associated honeymoon. It's all very exciting, well I think it is supposed to be anyway. I don't feel overly excited yet. Maybe it's all the planning and the 'will everything go to plan' thoughts. I am not sure I actually believe it is happening, although my bank balance certainly does......

I have had my hair and make up trials and had my nails done, all in one week - unsurprisingly enough it was a week of rushing from one thing to another. I am still having the first 15 of my Oxygen session which has made it hard to fit it all in, but I am also feeling better for it (I think, who knows..). I have officially stopped the accupuncture. I haven't had it for 2 odd weeks and have felt fine. I think all the improvements I was having were correcting things that had got worse the week before and could be put down to anything..... It is however one less thing to fit into my week, which is a relief.

The Oxygen Therapy is going well, I have had 9 sessions and feel fine throughout and afterwards, even with working half days beforehand. I am hoping to continue with it but will obviously have to have a discussion with work about the time off to do it......

The kittens are still idiots. Pepsi is now getting to be bigger than Whisky but then she does take after her father who was a big, sturdy looking black and white cat, Whisky takes after his mother who is a petite, mainly black cat. He is still a numpty but at least we can now get him off the flat roof without having to use the recycle bin as a lift.

MS wise - my fingers are crossed, I am touching wood and generally pleading with my body to behave as it is now - sensibly!!

Friday Cat Blogging

Pepsi, originally uploaded by bryanrobson.

Pepsi, when she was 2 months old and not yet grown into her fur.

Oxygen (again)

I have just had a look at Google Analytics - it appears that people are still looking at my blog, if only by accident, some people are reading though!

I went back to Oxygen Therapy on Monday. It seems to be going well. My ears are clearing fine, a little slower than pre cold but it's not hurting so that's all good. I am finding that whilst I am in the chamber I start to feel very tired, however I haven't been tired in general and even managed to get to the gym! I am keeping my fingers crossed that it helps, even if just a little. So many people have said how good it is.

I am in the process of getting an appointment to have my nails done - very friendly lady! Apparently for the look I want I need acrylic nails, which is fine, I had them before. I know my nails will end up atrocious but hey, they will look good!

I am now going to watch new season CSI on the sky+ box and eat a dairy free ice cream!

Mice anatomy

So I still have the remnants of a cold, so have not been to oxygen therapy yet. I will have to redo a couple of sessions I had previously done which means I have to ask for a couple more half days from work..... The best laid plans and all that....

I am still having accupuncture which I am still sat on the fence about. I have had improvements in my migraines, my bladder function and my general level of tiredness but then I have had a cold and have been feeling generally grotty recently. Every improvment or otherwise I can put down to something other than the accupunture. I will keep it going until the honeymoon and see what happens.

I have also been given a pendant which is supposed to help with migraine but have yet to find a chain for it - must do that.....

Not sure if I have mentioned the mice, had a quick look back and can't see so I will do so now! We have, so far, binned around 13 mice. Initially we found about 5 in the kitchen one day, killed by the cats. We then started hearing noises in the loft so put 2 traps up there to see what happened. Over the course of around 4 weeks we have had about 6 mice, most of which seemed to have been killed outright by the traps. I have recently found a couple of corpses in the kitchen when I have got up in the morning, these corpses have comprised of head, spine, tail and intestines......really nice for first thing in the morning.... On the plus side B saved a mouse from Whisky Thursday night and let it go outside the fence. Apparently Whisky was growling at B for trying to take the mouse off him and Pepsi was hissing at Whisky as she wanted her turn to play.......

I have just decided on the piece of music I am going to walk down the aisle to - Alexander Glazunov's Concerto in E flat for Alto Saxophone and String Orchestra. The first 30 seconds is strings and then the sax soloist starts. 1 down, now only the rest of the day music to sort....!

We are getting lots of acceptances for the wedding, the rsvp date is the 1st April so we'll start to ask people if they are coming or not at the end of the week. There are a few people who I am guessing have assumed we know they are coming, which is probably fair enough but I am going to check just to be sure!

It's coming up sooooo quickly!!!!

Pissed off again.....

I had a great weekend. We went out for B's birthday, had a lovely meal, drank to much wine and had some fun together! I felt terrible the day after, hang over, plus aching limbs (possibly self inflicted) and with a sore throat. Now the sore throat didn't make me think that I may have a cold or that that would be a bad thing when it came to the O2 therapy. For furture reference, any indication of a cold means pain under pressure.

This does mean that I have put the 2nd week of my O2 therapy until next week, hopefully the cold will go away and I will be able to get back to it then. As for today, well, I am still in pain and cannot hear properly but at least I have stopped feeling dizzy - meant I could get home.......

The rest of my day is a trip to see the nurse for a smear - something that always comes round, however much I would prefer it not to. Still with Jade's story in the news it would be stupid not to go. I'm not going because of that, just so happens I am due one.......

Might be able to find something for B's birthday in town, you never know.

Pissed off

I am supposed to be going to High Dose Oxgen Treatment (as the MS Therapy Centre calls it) today but I woke with pain in my tummy and the associated unpredictable bowels..... I decided that being locked in a sealed chamber under pressure with no quick escape route was a bad plan, not to mention the possibility of passing it on to someone else if it is a virus. I have also cancelled my meeting with the second ex colleague of mine. Very disappointed and pissed off.....

On the plus side, oh, no wait, there is not a plus side. Time to feel sorry for ones self.....!

We wormed the kittens last night. Needles to say it was stressful for all involved and vast quantities of treats were used as a bride so as to be forgiven..... The new tablets we've got are bigger than the ones from the vets, they are cheaper, but it's not worth it..... They ate the tablets in food last time, they weren't interested this time. They learn quick when they want to!

Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy

I had my first session today. Don't feel any different, but then I thought I was getting a migraine this morning and it didn't materialise! It was a strange experience but it wasn't a bad one. I got a bit bored, will take sudoku and my MP3 player tomorrow as I found it really difficult to concentrate on a book. MP3 players are the only pieces of electronics that can go into the chamber, even had to take my watch off.

First of all they got be sorted - as a newbie they settled me in and showed me what to do with the mask, then everyone else filtered in and they closed the door. We went down quite slowly to half way, one of the ladies ear's hurt so we went back up a bit, then went down again to the full depth planned. My ears were very well behaved. The left ear, as usual, was a little slower to clear than the right but was much better than I thought it would be. Can't say I am looking forward to having 15 sessions over the next few weeks but hopefully it will be worth it.

Afterwards I met A, a friend from 'old' work, for lunch. It was really great to catch up with her, and I also got all the goss from work. Needless to say she advised me of a huge scandel and also said how horribly busy they always were and how bad morale is. I am realising I am better out of it at the moment! Still miss the people though. I am meeting another friend from 'old' work this week and am really looking forward to it.

I am also fitting in 2 accupuncture sessions and a visit to my GP this week.....

I started my day in Bride to Be having my first dress fitting. I is having to have quite a lot done to it, taking in the bust and taking it up. The dress has a lot of detail which will take them some time to do and is therefore costing quite a bit.... It has to be done so there is no point in worrying about the price..!!!!!! I looked great once she had pinned it up and my necklace really helps with the fact it is strapless and I now don't think I need straps, which is an extra cost averted!

Mum will need to come with me for my second fitting so she can learn how to do it up. I hope she likes it in the different colour.

Oh, forgot to mention that I will need to find some chicken fillets to fill out the bust a bit more....

Other wise things are going well, Mum has organised the favours and the make-up and we had our menu tasting last night. We have decided on a menu but the chef wasn't told (by the wedding planner) about my lactose intolerance so as yet I haven't tasted a pudding.... I was very disappointed but it wasn't their fault. They are going to make me a tarte tatin of some description, which I like!

Health wise I am not doing badly at the moment! General tiredness but nothing horrendous and am doing quite well in terms of symtoms and migraines. I had a migraine on Thursday, but hadn't had one since Wednesday the week before and, touch wood, have not had one since. And MS symptoms remain the normal background ones, I am pretty pleased!!

Dress

My wedding dress is in!!!! It's about a month earlier than they said, which is great, they have more time to do the alterations - if it had come in at the end of March as they estimated originally it would have been a bit close to the wire. I have an appointment in around a week to have my first fitting so I have to organise my underwear. I'm not sure whether I will be able to wear a bra with it as the back is quite low, but we will see. I have ordered two bra's, two pairs of knickers and some tights from two different places; Honeymoon Collection and Marks and Spencer, so hope something will arrive by my fitting.

We have had the first go at our wedding list as well. It was quite good fun, scanning the items we would like, but it was also hard making decisions as to what to add...... We had a free cup of coffee and a cake as well! Perfect afternoons shopping. We have a few more things to add to the list, so will go back at some point in the near future - I am having my make-up appointment at John Lewis soon so maybe I'll do it then.

It's coming together!

Time...

...it seems to be running away at a phenominal rate at the moment. I never seem to get the time to blog anymore and I suppose the better I feel the less I feel the need to blog - that is a good thing!!

I am still only experiencing my background MS symptoms which is great and I have now been back at work full time for two weeks. It has been tiring as I have been on shortened hours since October and B and I have been very busy in the evenings but I am adjusting and managing well. I don't think I am unusual in having fairly long winded relapses but I think the average is somewhat shorter. I also have more in the way of sensory symptoms remaining than I thought I would have - although a lot of the remaining symptoms relate to my relapses in 2007 - I have a slight change in sensation to my lower legs and hands/forearms which just seem to remain at a level which doesn't have an impact but is enough to remind me the feeling isn't normal...... Still, the bits that matter to me - like my vision, have always returned to pre relapse normality eventually.

My migraines however have not had the decency to get any better. I am still on the increased dose of Amitriptyline (50mg) to try and help with them but I am now averaging two a week. Yesterday I had one at work that didn't respond to the medication so had to leave work early. I hate having to do that, I haven't had to since reduing my hours. I guess with how busy I (we) have been alongside going back to full time hours, added to the terminally boring meeting in a warm room it was just waiting to happen.

On the subject of terminally boring meetings......! I have discovered that the beginning of the year has even more meetings than the rest of the year. Company Kick Off, Claims Kick Off, Customer Care Division Kick Off, plus the normal quarterly meetings, I question the need for all of these.... I will say again that working for the UK arm of a big american corporation has some definate pluses but the overload of meetings is a definate downside...... Work on the whole however is very good at the moment. I am going to have Zurich and a section of Virgin Media as my only clients which is great. I think the broker for Virgin Media are harder work than Zurich but it will again be good experience and a different one to Zurich.

Work are again being very accomodating. I am going to be having Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy at the MS Therapy Centre and have been given the time off to attend for the 11 sessions I need to have initially. I am taking leave for the first 4 days so I am meeting them some way with the time off I need. I am also having Accupuncture at the moment. I have only had two full sessions and the initial assessment and so far have felt worse rather than better.... Still I am going to perservere for a while longer.

The kittens are getting big now and are spending time outside every day. We haven't been able to get them fully outside yet as it is too cold to leave the door open for them to get used to using the litter tray outside and then going to the toilet outside and they still haven't got the hang of getting into the garage through the cat flap...... Whisky has been outside of the garden a couple of times now. He hasn't worked out how to get back in as yet so we have to go to the back gate and let him in, silly kitty!

As for the wedding - it's only about 2 1/2 months away - how did that happen...... We don't have a lot left to do really, well I suppose it is quite a lot but a lot of little things. All the big main things are done, things like table dressing and where to get the beer from are left. I also need to have a dress fitting or two once the dress arrives, at the last minute (I did decide to get a dress at the last minute..). I have asked Mum to organise the favours as she has more of idea than I do and I hadn't really delagated anything. Tomorrow we are going to look at Nan's cake books and decide what sort of thing we would like. Well I say we, most likely I!

We have booked a date to try the menu's and wine with both sets of parents which should be good and our stag and hen do's are pretty much there. I am having a nice relaxed day and evening at a fairly local hotel with around 10 friends and family and B is going to Newcastle for the weekend to get very drunk two nights in a row and to go gocart racing. Good job it's a few weeks before the wedding. A friend of B's is getting married a couple of weeks after us so his stag do is the week before our wedding - B better come back in one piece!

Oh, on the subject of other weddings, have I mentioned my boss is getting married two hours before me? It's quite funny really, we keep being asked (tongue in cheek) if 'we' are getting married! Two different venues and times so I think we are safe!

Engagement seems to be the thing for end 2008, beginning 2009. 3 couples in B's circle of friends are now engaged after being in long term relationships - lots of weddings this year!

I was on the MS Society message boards this morning and discovered a new MS blog; Me, Myself and Tysabri, which as it sounds is a blog about a journey through her treatment with Tysabri. Tanya has so far had one infusion of Tysabri and has since had treatment with steroids for a further relapse. She sounds a lot like me in some ways, she is trying to recapture aspects of her life before MS, which is, I suspect, a trial for all of us dealing with the diagnosis of a life changing medical condition, however slight or major that change is and whatever the medical condition.

I was also reading an article in Open Door, the MS Trust publication, which was titled 'Twenty something and MS'. It again rings many similarities for me. I know I shouldn't have defined myself by my job, but you know what, I did, so when I took the decision that I couldn't do it anymore and took a new job I spent about 7 months thinking I had given up and saying that the physical aspects of MS were the reason for leaving. I now think that I took the decision for good reason. I had changed, even out there on the road. My confidence was diminished both times I came of the road and I wasn't as good at my job anymore. Couple that with having all the responsibility on the ambulance the vast majority of the time meant that I didn't feel emotionally stable or confident enough to go back on the road. Physically, who knows, I may have been able to manage but I would have been back off the road again within 5 months with the confidence seeping out of me again. It's actually quite hard to accept that I didn't give up, I chose to leave for good reason, just not the reason that is easier, to admit to not being good enough at the job to be making decisions about people's health is harder than blaming it on physically not being able to do it anymore.

I think now that physically I probably wouldn't be able to manage for more than a month at a time. I have found it hard enough working in a sensible sedentary role over the last few months. If things get better maybe I will try and go back to it, who knows. I have been able to reliably go to Lifesaving and play my clarinet which is great, a life outside of work. Is it worth it? I am adjusting my outlook on life and coming to terms with not defineing myself by my job. It has got easier over the last few months and it helps that I am again good at a job that I am enjoying and am rewarded with good reviews for the hard work. It isn't the same as my old job but I will always have that experience.

I suppose the point is, that I think I am now moving away from the old definition of me and carving out my new definition, for want of a better word, which is more than a job. It does of course include my role and my ability to do it well but now includes other, more important things like lifesaving, playing my clarinet and of course the man I will, fairly shortly, be marrying.

So after my indulgent ramble (the benefit of writing a blog - sort out the rambling thoughts!) I will now go get myself sorted and start a belated Saturday (it's about Midday...!).

New Year 2009

Again, I am a little behind! I hope everyone had a good New Years and enjoyed what you did? I had a nice quiet night at a friend of B's and just about made it to midnight before driving home, having a glass of red wine and going to bed. It was a nice evening and the hostess had found a pizza without cheese on it which was great!!

So what's new around here? Some sad news first, Plum, my hamster died over the weekend. She was only 18 months old but had got very thin over the last 4 months, was eating normally and was drinking a lot of water. I am guessing she had something wrong somewhere, possibly something like diabetes, but in the end she went to sleep and didn't wake up. She was curled up in bed when I checked on her so at least she was peaceful. I had a little cry about her and still well up now but I know they don't live long and she had a good life with us, including a weekend exploring under the upstairs floorboards and taunting the cats!

As for our other pets, Whisky and Pepsi have now been neutered. I don't think Whisky actually noticed he'd had an op and Pepsi is having to learn to wonder round with a cone on her head to stop her ripping out her stitches. She has adapted very quickly though and is now managing very well!

Over the weekend T and I went shopping for her Bridesmaid dress. It was a long day with around 4 hours of wondering around. We nipped down to Newbury Manor first to remind ourselves of the colour scheme and then went to Reading to shop. We got a dress from Monsoon in the end but Trish tried on clothes in BHS as well wondering round a few other shops in our search. I still have loads of stuff to do for the wedding and only 4 or so months to do it in...... Scary!! B has to book an appointment with the Grooms Room, which is attached to Bride to Be where I got my dress, so he can organise what the boys are wearing.

We had new patio doors fitted today, something we decided on after the burglary. They look good but we need to move the step.....hadn't thought of that.

Other than that things have been good! My dose of Amitriptyline has been increased and I've stopped taking the Topiramate for the migraines as Amitriptyline can help prevent them as well! My 4 in 1 drug is now 5 in 1. My MS symptoms are back to being background symptoms which is good. This relapse lasted a while but not as long as the one in the back end of 2007 so I'm quite pleased about that. Some bits of it were worse but in general it wasn't any worse than previous relapses so maybe the Rebif is doing something.

Right, must go to the vets with Pepsi.....